i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
