Kiss
Puke
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
