If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
