i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
