its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
