I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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