Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
