i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
