so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How naked do you want me to be?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
