my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
