sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
