My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
