you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wear drunk well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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