they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
