Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
