wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
