I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
