If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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