dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
