the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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