This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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