my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
