Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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