We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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