The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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