I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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