what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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