I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
