Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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