all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
