Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your tits are I can't wait for
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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