If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
