What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
