But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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