what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
