I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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