Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
