I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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