I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
