I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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