I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
