you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
