Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
