Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
