I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
