have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
