we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
