Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
