you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
