dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
